Sunday, December 14, 2008

It's A "T" Thing

What I like to say is "I don't have 'one of those days', I have one of those lives."

Things are falling apart around here. Normally I wouldn't put it out there for public eyes, but I'm really feeling down and don't really care who sees it. I am so misunderstood by my family and friends. I'm so stressed out that I don't know how much longer I can take it. I've been keeping it inside of me for so long...and it's all about to come to an explosion. I can't find the words to express everything I'm feeling. I know that times are tough for a lot of people right now, but I don't have to worry about them...I have to worry about me and my family. However, every time I try to take care of my own, the very people who claim to care about me get mad at me for doing what I think I need to do! I'm tired of skimping when it comes to many times do I have to look at my kids and say "I'm sorry....we have nothing for snack today"!! I'm tired of wondering what kind of half baked concoction we're gonna have for dinner. I've been trying to find a job...that's not going too well. I did start baby sitting, but that only pays $50 a week. We're so far behind that it doesn't even make a difference. I'm trying to share the load with my husband and he just doesn't seem to get it. I ask for him to make one phone call and he can't even do that. Last weekend I ended up sick with a migraine because I couldn't handle the stress anymore. Why can't he be there and help me out? What is it with him? Does he just not care or what? I'm losing what little bit of sanity I have and he blows me off. I'm extremely angry with him right now. What do you think he's doing right now? He's puttering around as though nothing is wrong, getting himself ready for bed. What am I doing? Sitting here typing up a storm and crying my eyes out. It's absurd!


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