I'm Just Not Feelin' It....

     Tomorrow is Christmas Eve; the stockings are hung, the decorations are up, the tree has tons of gifts underneath it, with more to come from Santa....but I'm just not in the mood for Christmas this year. I don't know why, I'm just not. We didn't even get our tree up on time, and I didn't care. I wouldn't have cared if we even put one up at all, if I'm to be honest. 
     My grades are in: A in Psych, B+ in Math, and a D in Sociology. I'm not pleased at all. I didn't do my best in the Soc. class. I had an assignment that I flat out didn't do and it was worth 200 points. The class itself was only worth 566, so subtracting 200 from that, there was no way for me to do better than a D. On top of that, the assignment could have been fun. It wasn't even hard, just time consuming.
     Time was an issue this semester, because I spent 29 days at Parkview with Steve's dad in the STICU. I wasn't the only one, but I felt that I should be there for Shirley, as well as Steven, so there I was,
     Add to these things, the fact that we are totally broke. No money for anything; not food or gas....no more cigarettes for us- there's no money for them! We have a disconnect on the electric scheduled for next Wednesday...it's only $66, but it's $66 that I don't have. I'm tired of telling my kids no. I know that going to school will eventually lead to a job, but right now, this is just sucking. I refuse to borrow money from Steve's parents as they are having their own struggles since Pat is unable to work for 6 months. I can't borrow from my family....they claim not to have it...but I know better. 
     I was hoping that getting this out would make me feel better, but it didn't. I actually feel worse :(