Tuesday, January 6, 2009

No Snappy Title Today

One of my New Year's Resolutions is to blog on this site everyday, no matter how boring my entry will be. You might want to strap into your seat as it might take that to read some of these blogs of mine! LOL

The day really didn't get much better yesterday with -M-. Today has been more of the same. I finally have him down for a nap. *sigh* He's so not on our old schedule. I hate it! He should be about ready to get up by now so he can play before he needs to eat lunch, which was normally about 11:30 ish. He gets picked up at 1 and -L- likes him to be ready for a nap in the car. I won't have him tomorrow....I'm sleeping ALL DAY!!

Sunday was the anniversary of my Mamaw's death. It has been 16 years. I did really well dealing with it. I usually get really down and need to be alone, but not this year. I think it was due to the girls coming home from Michigan. I didn't want to let them out of my sight. I spent the day playing games with the little girls, took Cassi out shopping and grabbed a Starbux. It was a great day. I am however, going to copy and paste my blog from last year to the end of this entry. It's my way of remembering and paying my respects.

I have been doing at least a little bit of a workout on the Wii Fit everyday now. I'm not losing anything, but I'm not gaining either. I really like it. I'm hoping it will eventually help me to lose the weight, but I"m not holding my breath.

I guess that's it for now. Here's my blog from last year:

Missin’ My Mamaw
Current mood: melancholy

Well, I can tell you exactly where I was on this date in 1993....

I was at my Mamaw's bedside in the Chelsea Hospital as she slowly slipped away, going home to be with God. There were several of us there: all of her kids with some of their spouses and a couple of us grandkids. I was 18 years old. I had lost my Papaw just 6 months before. They were the two people that had raised me. I had lost both of my parents. I had no idea what I was going to do. How was I going to fill my days now? I worked at the deli in town, but the rest of my time was spent with her. Dottie, Gary and I had moved in with her after Papaw died so we could care for her. I had learned how to give her the insulin shots that she needed. I cooked for her and saw that she actually ate the food. I helped her in every way, everyday.... now what?
I knew this day would come, as she had been slowly giving up since June 28th, 1992 when her beloved Claude had died. By the time November had rolled around, she had really just given up. She went into the hospital on November 12th, my 18th birthday, only making it out of the hospital for a couple of days to have one last Christmas at home with us. She went back into the hospital the day after Christmas and left this world to be with her husband just 9 days later.
It was so very cold on January 7th 1993 when we laid her to rest. I was again wearing my skirt and blazer....the last time I would ever wear it. I can remember being handed a red rose from the top of her casket, and laying a pink rose in its place. I can remember not feeling the cold wind as I stood for the graveside prayer, but as I walked back to the car it nearly knocked me over. I never got warm that day.
When I got home after the service and burial, I could hardly walk thru the door: this was HER house. How was I going to live here any more? I missed her so much. As I finally came into the house, I had to pass her room. My eyes were drawn to her bed. My feet froze. I stepped into her room, where I collapsed on her bed and cried until I had to rush to the bathroom to throw up. Somehow I managed to get back to my feet and go to my room. I changed into my pajamas and crawled into my bed. I had no idea what time it was, but I didn't get out of my bed until sometime the next afternoon.
So, today it has been 15 years since she passed away. I know that she would have loved to see me get married and have babies. I think she would have loved Cassi's red hair- she often made jokes about a red-headed step child. She would have loved to listen to Gabbi rattle on about what she had learned in school that day. She would have loved to have Maddi out in the garden picking beans right along side of her. She would have put Steven to work in whatever way she needed him. I'm sure my job would still have been helping to string the beans and can them. In my heart I know that she is proud of me. I know that just like Papaw, she's up in Heaven smiling down on me and my family. I'm sure she smiles in my joys and weeps with me through the pain.
May you Rest In Peace, Mamaw. Just like I told Papaw....when the time comes, I will join you. For now, please keep watch over all of us. I love you.


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